If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
