oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
