i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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