Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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