dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
