and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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