Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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