Where did you get a picture of my penis
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
you would pick up someone in the library
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize