Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Randomize
