I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
