I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Life is so much better after having sex.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Randomize
