We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
