Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
