Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
