This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I just had sex on a roof
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
