yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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