but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
