Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
