he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
