those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
