his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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