I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
