I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
