AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
