Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Houston, we have a blender
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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