New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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