not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I can't put those talents on a resume
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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