i can't believe i had my finger in that
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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