Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
