that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
