My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
