He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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