you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
COCAINE IS GR8
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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