He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
His nipple licking is glorious
the raccoons are back...
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