I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
high people should be assigned attendants
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
