so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
We named our party play list daddy issues
I showed him my bush... on skype.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize