If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
