Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
