I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Randomize
