I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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