You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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