the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
