Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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