you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
