i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
this is an emotional support booty call
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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