Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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