He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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