mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I got her a Nickelback box set.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
