Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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