I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
