Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
