It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
