i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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