I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
