I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Randomize
