I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
