Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
