My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
