If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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