if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Randomize