I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
