Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
