Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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