woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
