He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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