If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
