I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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