A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
