I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
