What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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