How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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