my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
