I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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