you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Randomize
