So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
